Life is not just happening

Part 4 of the Guiding Currents of Peak Resonance

Every emotion, every symptom, every synchronicity is energetic communication. Learn to speak the language of energy and you reclaim the ability to create, align, and transform from the inside out.

What is energetic communication?

We are energetic beings. Interconnected through a vast energetic field.
To say that we are not connected in ways we have yet to understand seems…
incomplete.

How we move through these experiences shapes our entire life.

In states of overwhelm the easy answer is to try desperately to protect yourself.

When we become defensive, we move into the role of the victim.
Telling ourselves that we have no control over our response to the situation.

There are countless times in my life where I took on this role.
If only this person would just do this differently – I’d be okay.

Stop challenging my beliefs.
Say that in a different way.
Stop making me feel this way.

Change. So I don’t have to.

I don’t want to detract from the times that actual abuse occurs.
These are real and unfortunately common.
And completely out of our control.
But even in these instances, where energy is thrust upon us…
We need to interact with it.
And how we do begins to shape what we become.

No matter how hard we sometimes wish – the past cannot be changed.
But you can modify your relationship to it.

I grew up in a family that experienced divorce.

I was 10, and at that point it sucked.

Bad.

So much so, that my biggest fear in life became committing myself fully to a relationship, having children, and then having that relationship dissolve –
Exposing my child intimately to my worst fear.

And that is exactly what happened.

The emotion was….
Overwhelming.
Catastrophic.

I didn’t think I could come out the other side.

The tension was undeniable.
The reaction was untenable.

The grief of loss was heavy.
Like a death that happened every day.
All day.
Over and over.

Guilt like I’ve never felt in my life.
Passing a child back and forth like a football.
Knowing that as soon as he was let go, I had no control of whether he was caught.
Or if I would ever hold him again.

Self-pity maxed out.

Completely out of my control… so what did I grasp at?

Control.

I needed to build myself back up… and this time…
I was going to do it right.

Every possible angle that could offer threat, I would preemptively brace.
Protect it.
With everything I had.

All senses on high alert.
All the time.

If I could only sniff out the threat, it could be avoided.
I would not have to feel pain.
And neither would anyone that I loved.

If I could only hold everything up. Broaden my shoulders just a little more.
We would all be safe.

And I would be free.

For a while this felt like it was working.
I grew as a person. I expanded my experience.
I was walking through the world differently, and people responded…
differently.

It felt noble – I was showing others how I could transmute the energy of something very difficult into healing and strength.

I could handle anything.
Mine. Or others.
Because I was in control.

Scanning every moment for a hint of dissonance.
Bracing before every possible impact before it happened.
Aware of every detail, just in case.

Pushing the bounds of what I never thought possible…

And then it wasn’t.

I felt the strain for a long time, but resisted it. Fought against it.

I can be strong enough.
I am strong enough.
This is my duty. My purpose. My meaning.

I can be the martyr, so no one else has to.

But inside there was a part of me that was slowly fading.
Slowly crumbling under the weight.

Anxiety through the roof.
Sleep was a mess.
Emptiness.

Until I just couldn’t hold it anymore.
It was too much.
Too hard.

Stress was tearing me to shreds.
There are too many places things can go wrong.
I can’t keep up.

I’m failing…
Again.

There came a time when I finally started to realize... it wasn’t worth it.
I put everything I had into everyone else – to protect them…

But who was I really protecting?
Was it really them?
Or was it that I was actually protecting myself from things I didn’t want to feel?

I had just put on a new mask that carried the same energy, just differently.
I was still in defensive mode. Still the victim.
Just in stronger armor.

The same energy was moving through me…

The little boy
The father
Atlas

I wasn’t just experiencing life…
I was shaping how it lived inside me.
In my body. In my thoughts. In my actions and reactions.

What if I am not actually using the energy at all…
But relating to it.

If I can relate to it in such vastly different ways,
what else is possible?

This is where the work began.
I was finally being honest…
With myself.

Now I have an opportunity to meet the man behind the curtain.
The one that only I can be.
The one that I’ve always been.
And by doing it for me, I’m doing more than I’ve ever done for everyone else.

Feelings and emotions are undeniable. Waves of energy that pour over us, sometimes from every angle in every flavor.

How we interact with that energy as it moves through us, shapes our experience.

Life is happening.

Not for me.
Not against me.

I’m learning how to meet it…
as it moves through me.

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